Monday, December 29, 2008

He ain't heavy Father, he's my noodle

Oh whoa is he.  First up is a tale of whoa and pretension replete with newly minted words as if English is just not big enough for his massive emotional spectrum.  I can't resist a poem that ends with the line: You want fries with that, Sir?  

Then something more fun.  Wow, how awesome is the picture below.  Sadly this artist's other works are really creepy, with a lot of semi-naked elf girls.  This one is called "Bad Date".

BTW the post title comes from my favorite New Yorker cartoon which I can't find a copy of.  It shows a priest talking to a human-sized fork with a large noodle in its tines.  The fork says ...



      Tormemorenting No More

I will language 
you away
cast your meaning

from my heart
de(-ar)range the thought
  I gave you
  to begin with

make you a silly sentence
of squeaking styrofoam
tumbling behind a Burger King

the little voice of
I love you
now c(r)ackling to the indiffident

through the metal box,

You want fries with that, Sir?




                    Fellini Dates Heidi
The waiter’s nose slides
off his face into her water glass.
She retrieves it with her soup spoon.
I order the live Maine lobster,
knocked senseless and served on a bed 
of blurry naked pictures of the Pope’s mother.
She has a glass of blush and a self cleaning 
forkful of Caesar salad, no anchovy 
dressing on the side.
She makes conversation like a mortician presenting the bill.

I loved the movie: Bloodbath of the Apocalypse.
She swears it was The Sound of Music II – Return to Edelweiss.

I set fire to the bathroom to avoid paying the check.

After slips and snaps and straps, things are ironed out.


Mmm...  goaty.


Laura Lee said...

Hey, Heidi ate good cheese with tough brown bread.
Caesar salad with no anchovies: I don't know what it's called but it ain't Caesar salad.

Owl Meat said...

Caesar salad with no anchovies is sort of a joke. I have seen people order or try to order it many times in my life. These people are called boring idiots. They love Caesar salad until you tell them that the essence of Caesar dressing is ... anchovies! Ewww, anchovies.

Laura Lee said...

I know, I know, Owl Meat Grated Parmigiano-Reggiano. Some of those people are my relatives. They would also be appalled to know the dressing was made with raw eggs. But they'll put sliced chicken breast on top. Aaaaarrgh!

I remember one dinner over twenty years ago at the Water Street Exchange. My friend and I knew very little about wine but we ordered a bottle of pinot grigio and when we tasted it knew it was the best wine either of us had ever had. Then the waiter prepared us a Caesar salad tableside. Rubbed inside the bowl with garlic, cracked the eggs and beat them with a fork , squeeze of lemon, glug-glug of olive oil, mashed anchovies, romaine, parmesan, black pepper grinder, croutons. It was just the beginning of our meal but that truly could have sufficed for the whole.

BTW, when I was a nurse at Johns Hopkins Hospital, I always made sure I was scheduled to work on July 1st. That was the new interns' first day and I always enjoyed helping them get off to an auspicious start. After they rattled off a long list of orders I would repeat back "Chem-6, CBC, Coags, V-Q Scan, Heparin protocol, etc." and add "you want fries with that?" It helped them adjust to the environment.

Owl Meat said...

As always a delight LL.