Ah that picture reminds me of the good old days when I used to play the accordian for coins in Ljubljana. Now it's all winter and discontent. It was 49 in my bedroom this morning. I didn't mind at all. Spite is the most warming of all emotions. BG&E isn't getting any more of my tolars than necessary. My utuilty bill for January was $80. Ha! It's a good thing that I have superhuman circulation and a new down quilt.
My wireless connection stopped working around January 6 and I spent a few days trying to fix it with no luck. First I had a panic attack from being disconnected form the unreality of the internet. Next I decided to experience that feeling fully. Then enlightment, in a small way. I decided to go without technology for a while. I started reading some zen books and practicing mindful breathing. Bam! It all made sense finally. Then I knew I had to avoid the distractions and empty instant gratifications of the internet. So I drank wine and read Thich NhatHanh and Pema Chodron, Buddhists of different traditions, but very accessible for Westerners. It turns out that depression and enlightment are quite similar. In both cases nothing matters. Sort of.
In the end I had to completely reinstall Windows to fix my TCP/IP software. I'm still reinstalling stuff and downloading plug-ins.
I was inspired by Laura Lee's questions about when I would get this thing rolling again. I'm not inspired yet but I figure I'll give it a stab. Now to install Word. Now reboot, etc etc etc. So thank you for the encourement LL. I will be scanning the archives for something ridiculously depressing to go with the season and my mood. I hope you visit soon and comment.
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2 comments:
We're all glad you are back, Owlie. It's not the same place without you.
Hey, we had a panic attack on this end too when you were disconnected. Actually experienced the whole grieving process. Had finally entered into the acceptance stage and was starting to move on with my life. Got some major housework done. Even started cooking dinner for the kids instead of shoving some Campbells Chicken Noodle at them and going off to slurp mine in front of the computer.
And now you're back. Glad to hear you've undergone some enlightenment. I just have to be careful not to get sucked back in. But you know I'll keep checking anyway.
Is that a snapshot of an 11 year-old Robert DeNiro?
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