The Horror, the Horror ...

So Word didn't install properly, so no gloomy poems yet.  Worse than that my hard drive started making high pitched noises like tacks in a blender yesterday.  Then in just died.  It is still making slightly less harsh sounds, but I fear the end is near.

This morning I woke up feeling confused and rudderless because I thought I would be wihtout the internet again for a time.  Technology is the cure for enlightment.  Talk about ruining a quiet mind.

Laura Lee brought up the grieving process.  I think I went through that a month ago when my wireless connection died.  What are the steps?  Anger, denial, bargaining and acceptance.  I won't tell you the mnemonic tric for remembering that.  Okay, I'll change it a little: Always drink alcohol before doing anything.  The stages were similar.    Now I try to save various things until my hard drive commits suicide.  

Why So Glum Chum?

Ah that picture reminds me of the good old days when I used to play the accordian for coins in Ljubljana.  Now it's all winter and discontent.  It was 49 in my bedroom this morning.  I didn't mind at all.  Spite is the most warming of all emotions.  BG&E isn't getting any more of my tolars than necessary.  My utuilty bill for January was $80.  Ha!  It's a good thing that I have superhuman circulation and a new down quilt.   

My wireless connection stopped working around January 6 and I spent a few days trying to fix it with no luck.  First I had a panic attack from being disconnected form the unreality of the internet.  Next I decided to experience that feeling fully.  Then enlightment, in a small way.  I decided to go without technology for a while.  I started reading some zen books and practicing mindful breathing.  Bam!  It all made sense finally.  Then I knew I had to avoid the distractions and empty instant gratifications of the internet.  So I drank wine and read Thich NhatHanh and Pema Chodron, Buddhists of different traditions, but very accessible for Westerners.  It turns out that depression and enlightment are quite similar.  In both cases nothing matters.  Sort of.

In the end I had to completely reinstall Windows to fix my TCP/IP software.  I'm still reinstalling stuff and downloading plug-ins.

I was inspired by Laura Lee's questions about when I would get this thing rolling again.  I'm not inspired yet but I figure I'll give it a stab.  Now to install Word.  Now reboot, etc etc etc.  So thank you for the encourement LL.  I will be scanning the archives for something ridiculously depressing to go with the season and my mood.  I hope you visit soon and comment.