Merry Öwl Meatmäs

Merry Öwl Meatmäs

Here at stately Owl Manor, we have eschewed the usual sturm und drang, weltschmerz and schadenfreude today and have given in to Christmas - Owl Meat style.  
 
I combined elements of my German and Mexican heritage to give you a glimpse of the holiday festivities here. First up is El Vez doing a killer version of Feliz Navidad. If you don't love this video, you have no soul. For those not familiar with El Vez, he is the Mexican Elvis and he LOVES Christmas. Does it get any better than Melvis dancing with a giant inflatable Santa and Frosty, while his band lays down some chunky Ramones-style thrash? I want his suit.  

While bearing a striking resemblance to the late German maniac/actor Klaus Kinski, the photo above is of Krampus. Who is Krampus you say? Mein Gott im Himmel! Clearly you did not grow up in the Bavarian alps. Krampus is Saint Nick's evil assistant. How very, uh, German. He is bad cop to Santa's good cop. Krampus Night is celebrated on December 5, the eve of Saint Nick's birthday. So what does Santa's assistant do? He, meaning any able-bodied man, roams the streets frightening children and whacking women on the gluteus festivus with a stick. Drinking heavily is part of the ritual, which may explain why it goes on for two weeks. Nothing says Happy Birthday Jesus like binge drinking, dancing around fires, and random sexual assault.  
 
Now how do we combine such seemingly non-intersecting cutlures and traditions at Christmas? With food of course. No Mexican Christmas would be complete without the special pork tamales. What makes them special? The addition of one or more secret ingredients, which I think is cinnamon and rabbit. One can never be sure. Tio Toro always brings his gucamole with mango and some amazing ceviche to celebrate his roots in Veracruz. The best of all is his ceviche de pulpo - citrus marinated octopus. Mmmm... que bueno.
 
The German part of the feast is short on tradition and long on meat. Cousins Dieter and Elsebeth grill something Dieter has recently killed on a bow hunting trip. In the past we have had elk, bear, and Canadian snowshoe hares (with a bow?). Elsebeth's bear paw soup was delcious and not at all frightening. Naturally there is homemade sauerkraut and a fermented beet juice that has purported rejuvenating qualities.
 
Another thing that unites both sides of the family is beating something with a stick. Since my lawyer says that our Krampus days are kaput, we have allowed the German side to make their own version of the piñata. Last year it was stuffed with homemade venison jerky and gherkins. I guess we will have to wait to see if Uncle Klaus and cousin Dieter's hunting trip to Canada was successful. The form of the piñata will be of whatever public figure has aggrieved them most this year. It could be anyone from Rod Blagojovich to Hugh Jackman or even Billy Mays.  Can you imagine how history might have been different if the Germans had invented the siesta and the piñata?
 
Of course the evening always ends with drinking and dancing. Uncle Flaco acts as DJ, spinning vinyl copies of his favorite Norteño music, which sounds like Mexican polka to me. The night usually ends with Great Uncle Fritz announcing Archimedes-in-the-bathtub style that the Mexicans stole their music from the Germans, as if he just discovered this. But harmony prevails, because I have hidden the tequila and Jagermeister and bellies are full of elk jerky and pork tamales as El Vez rips into "Feliz Navidad" again.
 
Frohe Weihnachten de Carne de Buho.
(Merry Christmas from Owl Meat.)